27 down and counting 8-1

I have lost a total of 27 pounds now.  I have past the dreaded 25 mark.  On to the 30 mark.  Only 3 pounds away from that!  I went and had my monthly protime blood test at the doctors.  I decided to get weighed and see where I was at.  I am so glad to be on the downside of the scale as opposed to the upside of the scale.

I have been working on portions.  One of my downfalls is restaurants.  Today I went to Olive Garden with my friend, Wendy.  We had a really good time.  We chatted and caught up on how everyone was doing.  We each had a salad.  I really like Olive Garden's salad.  I ate 1/2 of my dinner and saved the rest for lunch tomorrow.  Usually, I would eat the whole thing but today i didn't.  I did, however, split a piece of cheesecake with Wendy.  I don't usually get dessert but it came with our meal.

I have also given up muffins from Tim Horton's.  I was so appalled that I only lost 2 pounds last time that I decided I didn't want them anymore and I haven't had any since.  Since that was only about 2 weeks ago, I am not sure if that had anything to do with the newest weight lose or not but I have lost my desire to eat them.

I have notice that lately I have lost the desire to eat a lot of things I used to.  I don't want to eat the sweets that I used to.  I am not sure if it because I am finally to the point where I am tired of gaining weight or just that the sweets do not taste as good as they used to.  I don't know.  I am not questioning it too much though because whatever it is, I am not interested in eating the junk food so I am not.

Heather

2 more pounds lost!

I lost 2 more pounds!  This brings me to the new grand total to 24 pounds!  I am happy about it but I still wish it was more.  I suppose it could have been 25 pounds and I still would have wanted it to be more.  It is just the way I am when it comes to weight loss.

I am started taking magnesium this afternoon but I don't feel so good now.  It upset my stomach a lot so I am not having too much for dinner.  I am not going to take the magnesium tomorrow.  I probably should have had it with dinner instead of lunch, but it is too late now.

I have always had a weird relationship with food.  I also have always have had an issue with digesting my food.  From the time I was born, I have had stomach issues.  Mom used to always say that she didn't think my stomach digested properly.  Turns out she was right.  I was 40 when the doctors discovered that.  Now I take reglan to digest my food.  When I was around 9 or 10, I realized that I weighed more than my friends.  I ate the same food that my mom and my brothers ate, yet I could gain weight by looking at it.  We now know why but we didn't then.  Much has been done to try to get me to lose weight.  Starting from when I was about 10 or 11, I got weighed every week.  I dreaded it.  I really did.  It would start with the disappointment in mom's voice on how I gained another pound or 1/2 a pounds and escalated into being grounded for losing weight.  When I was 14, I went to the doctor and the doctor put me on a 400 calories a day diet.  yes, 400, not 1200 or any other number it was 400.  It is extremely difficult to eat only 400 calories.  I was in 9th grade at the time and we were not getting along, not one bit.  It seemed that everything I did was wrong and nothing I did was right or good enough.  I now know many of the things mom did were out of fear of me going and doing drugs like my brothers, but at this time I didn't know that and it was heart breaking.  At one point, I honestly thought she didn't like me at all.  Well, there really is only one way to stay within 400 calories a day and that is to simply stop eating or throw up your food.  Now, I despise throwing up, but throwing up I did because I didn't want to gain weight and be in trouble again.  It wasn't enough that I had terrible times at school with things and life at home with 2 drug addicts were hard, let's add getting in trouble for how much you weigh.  That began a journey into Bulimia.  Bulimia is a very scary thing because you can look perfectly normal and still be super sick.  In a way, it is like fibro with how you can look perfectly normal and be super sick but I digress.  I would drink a 1/2 pint of milk for lunch and that was it.  That was after skipping breakfast because well, that would be food and food is bad.  I was not taught that food is fuel and you need it to survive.  No, I learned that food was bad and evil.  I eventually had to stop throwing up my food because one day I was also throwing up blood.  Well, that was my throat having an issue with the acid.  I never threw up on purpose again that day.  I just stopped eating.  If I ate too much, I would take laxatives to make it go out the other way.  I was also dancing 6 to 8 hours 6 days a week and going to Wayne State University at that point.  I was still the biggest dancer and no matter what I did, I would bounce up and down all over the place.  It was awful.  If I ate a sweet, I would get yelled at by my mother on how that was bad for me.  If I didn't eat, I got yelled at on how you have to have something.  It just didn't matter.  Food and I were at a war.  This is why, this time, I am not weighing myself daily or even weekly.  I will not have weekly updates on how much I have lost.  I can't.  I just can't go down that road again.  I have enough issues that to add another would just be insane!  I don't want to play the head games that I know I can easily jump into.

Yes, when I was older my mother apologized for all she did about my weight.  It didn't erase the memory but it did help some of the pain.  I still have some but most of it is gone.  To say she did her best, well, I know she did, but wow, she went crazy over my weight.  She wouldn't let me get certain clothes because "big people don't wear them".  Wow, if I weighed now what I weighed then, I would be thrilled.  I wasn't that overweight.  yes, I was overweight, but not to the extent she made it out to be. I am now.  That is true.  I am severely overweight.  I have to do something or I will die from it.  I have started by refusing to take medicine that causes weight gain.  I think 105 pounds of weight gain from medicine far outweighs the positive effects of the medicine.  Yes, Lyrica helped with the pain until I gained so much weight nothing helped.  Yes, Amitryptilin helped a bit but I gained an extra 25 pounds on it on top of what I already weighed!  So no, I will NOT take medicine that has a side effect of weight gain.  I just won't anymore.  I will find another way to deal with the pain.  I have to.  This weight is killing me faster than any other illness that I have will, including those lovely clear cells (cancer cells) on my right kidney.  So I am done.

I am happy that I have lost 24 pounds.  My next weigh in won't be until next month or maybe September.  i don't know which and I don't care.  I have noticed a bit from my clothing about the weight loss.  I am working really hard to eat healthy and have good portions.  I do hope that when I am done some more that I will be able to start doing a bit of exercise again, something simple, like walking.  Maisy likes to walk so I would take her.  Calli likes to go for a walk too so maybe she would like to go.  I don't know, we shall see.  I have some resistant bands that I can use when my left shoulder behaves a bit better.  The bursitis is being a bit annoying so I will get them out when it heals up a bit.  When I am a down a bit more, I do remember some of the easier exercises that I can do here at home.  I also have some exercise DVDs that I plan to add in.  Right now, it would be too much.  I have tried and it triggers my asthma so I can't add them in yet but I will.

I am really trying to look at food as fuel and not as something to go to war over with myself.  I don't want to play those head games again.  they are just not productive and I have worked to hard on myself to go back into that dark place again.

Heather

Monday 7-15

We grilled the steak today!!!!  Yes and we didn't burn it!  Yes, Brandon and I managed to use the Foreman grill to grill our steaks and they turned out perfect.  I was very pleased.  We also had asparagus (which I was so glad we didn't have to share with more than 2) and rice that we had cooked yesterday.  We made enough so we don't have to make anymore for a couple of days with just the two of us.

I was so frustrated earlier this evening.  I resigned up with netflix ready to watch an episode of a BBC series that I wanted to see.  First, well, I don't have the right Mac computer.  Yup, mine is too old.  Then I remember, ooh, I can watch them on my nook!  I was set only to find out that that series is no longer available for instant streaming.  I could just scream.  Now I am watching Rizzoli and Isles.  I do love that show so it is good that I am not done watching disc 2 season 3.  Thankfully!

Tomorrow I will find out if I have lost anymore weight because I have a doctor's appointment.  I decided that to avoid head games with the scale, I will only get weighed at the doctors.  I just know that I can go down that road so easily that I have to do what I can avoid it.  I have started to notice that I have lost some weight.  Because I wear skirts and dresses all the time instead of shorts or pants, it is harder to notice the weight lose, but I have started to notice a bit of a difference.  I just hope that more weight loss will make a bigger difference soon.  I have to get some clothes for fall but I won't get them until fall because I don't know what weight I will be at in the fall.

I am hoping to make a couple of skirts for fall in the fall with Lydia.  She really likes sewing so to sew with her or with Star would be a lot of fun.  I have some nice wool fabrics that will make good skirts for the winter.  It does get rather cold here.  I do need new little boots though because I don't have any that fit quite right.  I will see though because as I lose weight, my feet will lose weight in my feet too.

Heather

Sunday 7-14

We had pizza again tonight.  I am doing well with that though because I can eat 2 pieces and be satisfied.  The only reason we had it was because they are left overs from last night.  We don't have it very often.  Yesterday was such a busy day that we had pizza instead of making dinner.  Most nights either Brandon, Heather B-T, or Bill cooks dinner.  I don't cook very often but sometimes I make a salad or something.

Since it has been a year since I have written in the blog, there have been major changes in the house.  First of all, my friends, Heather B-T and Bill, their 2 children along with with their 2 dogs have moved in.  It just made more sense for all of us to combine the households.  It really helps all of us.  It helped them and it helped me.  Their children, Acer and Calli are 8 and 13 and are wonderful children.  Right now, their nephew, Brandon is also living here for the summer.  He goes to Wayne State University and is on summer break.  Their dogs are Q and Maisy.  Q is Calli's guide dog.  While the question is still up in the air of whether or not Acer will get a guide dog, Calli is doing very well with Q.  He is a really nice dog and when he is not working, he is very playful.  He is 2 years old now.  Maisy is a handful.  She is 6 and a Brussels Griffon.  I love that little dog.  We are trying to teach her not to pee in the house as she does still do that.  She also sometimes poops in the house.  She is learning that she has to be invited in order to come up on our beds or the couch.  Maisy can no longer just jump up whenever she feels like it.  I think Maisy is doing better.  I never understood how people become so attached to their animals, but boy do I now!  I am very, very, very attached to Maisy!  I knew how sweet and wonderful dogs or pets in general could be, I just didn't know about the deep attachment that you can have.  Well, I have it.  Q is a good dog too but he spends most of his time with Calli as he is HER guide dog.  Next year she will be walking to school with him.  With him, she is very independent.

Well, this week will be interesting for food as Brandon and I are in charge of our meals.  Everyone else is gone for the next few days.  Tomorrow we are having rice, asparagus, and steak.  I know one night we will have some bousa (I don't know how to spell it), rice, and veggies, and another we will go to chipotle's since we both really like that food a lot.  I don't expect to go crazy over food with everyone gone because I can eat whatever I want whenever I want so there is no reason to go crazy.  I am doing really well with portions.  I eat my meal and then drink a glass of milk.  I wait a few minutes to see if I am hungry and want a bit more.  Mostly, I don't get seconds, but occasionally I do.  I am pretty happy about eating proper portions now.  If I go out to eat, I cut the plate in half and then eat 1/2 before I see if I want more.  I also am drinking more milk these days.  I have a glass every night at dinner.  This helps with curbing hungry.  I no longer take the medicine that made me gain weight.  The medicine I take now for headaches actually has the side effect of weight loss and less appetite.  I don't mind those kind of side effects.  I am not sure if it the side effects or if it a mixture of both the side effects and my eating properly and watching my portions.  I don't know and right now, I don't really care.  I have lost weight and on Tuesday, I will find out if I have lost more or gained any.

We're Back!!!!! 7-12-2013

Yes, it has almost been a year since I wrote in this!!!

I am no longer on the Amitryptiline which had me gain weight.  I gained all I lost and then some.  So, once again I am starting all over.  My highest ever weight was 305 and that was what I was in April when I saw the arthritis doctor.  I saw the tummy doctor last month and I was down to 283!  I will see the tummy doctor on Tuesday so I will know how much more I am down.  I am not going to ignore this blog any more so look for updates!

i am so glad that the weight is finally going the right direction!!!!

over a month of healthy eating! 6-27

It was about a month ago I got so mad at myself!  I have eaten healthy EVERY day since then!  It is quite shocking to discover I don't crave the junk food like I used to.  If I crave sugar (which I usually don't) I will have some fruit and then the craving is over.  Sometimes, I will have a rice crispie treat but that is soooooo rare.  When I grocery shop next month I will be buying me some salad stuff so that maybe I will actually make my own salads here at home instead of driving to Panera each day.  They use the good Romaine lettuce, which is why I go there and they aren't too pricey.  I can't eat iceberg lettuce at all as it totally upsets my stomach.  It makes it a total mess so I avoid that type of lettuce all the time.

Anyways, I have been able to do some exercises at Physical therapy for about 9 minutes now.  It is a type of elliptical machine.  At first I thought it was a type of stationary bike but it is not.  I tried the stationary bike and I can't do it.  I am going to price this type of elliptical to see if I can afford one of my own.

I hope summer is going rather well for you!!!


Heather

A hot, sunny day! 6-10

Kathy and I are both working on eating healthy and I think we both are doing pretty okay with it.  I am going to neighbors for dinner but since they serve healthy food, it will work out well.  We do dinner and a movie although I think we are still watching some Dr. Quinn medicine woman episodes.  It is what is currently on at the Hubel house.  I am making a yellow cake with frosting and raspberries on top for dessert.  I don't plan on actually having any, but since they feed me so often, I am bringing them the cake. Carolyn and Sean picked out the flavor and the fruit!

I am not sure if I have lost any weight yet, but these shorts are starting to feel a bit too big so it is a possibility.  Since I refuse to get on a scale, I will wait and see what happens.

I hope your weekend was as good as mine!  Oh - one of my lovely students is now coming back to me!!!!!  I miss that little one so much!

Heather

I lost count of days 6-5

I don't know how many days it is of eating healthy.  I am still doing pretty well.  I had my first day of actual therapy yesterday and I am a bit sorer than usual because of the therapy but I don't mind, it is a good kind of pain.  It means I used muscles that I didn't know could still work!  I go back tomorrow for my next session.  I am planning to do my exercises before bed tonight.  I hope to learn new ones tomorrow.  I have to also remember to bring my inhaler with me incase I accidentally do to much and cause an asthma attack.  There, I moved the inhaler from my room to my purse, just incase.  I do not expect an asthma attack while I am in therapy but hey, I suppose it is possible.

I am looking forward to therapy tomorrow.  I wonder how many new exercises I will learn.  Hmmmm, one never knows.


Heather

Something has changed 5-28

I am not sure what happened, whether I got mad enough or upset enough, or whatever enough, but I now do not crave any junk food and haven't for a whole 8 days.  Starting last Saturday (the 19th), I have eaten more healthy than I have in years.  I don't really understand what happened but I started craving SALADS!  Healthy ones!  So pretty much, every day since the 19th I have had at least 1 salad for one of my meals and I haven't eaten any junk food since then either.  I only want to eat healthy and nothing else. It is a very strange feeling and maybe I am possessed now or something.  Even yesterday, when I went to the movies with the girls, they got ice cream and I DIDN'T!  I wasn't even wanting an ice cream so that was definitely a good thing.  I was really surprise at this too.  I am happy about this though, I really am.

I am getting tired now.  It is almost bed time.  I had to get up early for one of my lessons.  I didn't mind because I would rather get up early for a lesson than to miss one.

I hope this trend of eating healthy keeps up.  So far, it has been easy and interesting.  I know I have been trying to eat healthy for over a year now, but it is so weird how this is happening.

A long time 4-22

It has been so long since I wrote in this blog.  Much has happened.  I was diagnosed with an ulcer, while that is not earth shattering, it certainly is an eye opener.  I also was weighed.  Oh my.  I am 2 pounds away from the scariest number EVER to me so obviously, I am not doing to well.  I am working on menus that are healthy and yummy and I plan to check out emeals to see what they are all about.  Because of the ulcer I will have to change my lunch habits, which in the long run will be much healthier for me.  I hope to have a handle of my weight by the beginning of summer.  On to cooking better and healthier meals for me!

Heather

has it really been that long?

I haven't posted since New Year's Day.  Wow, that is a long time.  I can't really say I have done super well with food, but I haven't done horrible either.  I am working on trying to eat more meals at home.  The problem I am having is that if I stay home too many days in a row, the house gets to me.  It is like the walls are closing in on me and I can't breathe.  I used to go to Tim Horton's and get a sandwich that was pretty healthy.  Fresh turkey slices, lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese on it.  I would get a tea or a diet drink with it.  Sometimes I would run into friends and neighbors, other times I would just read but it did help me get out of the house.  Some days I don't get up very early because I am so tired all the time.  I am glad that on Saturday and Sunday I have to get up a bit early and get going.  If I have to get up, I usually can.  Sundays are super early at 6:45 am for to be at church at 7:30 am.  Sometimes I don't go, but mostly I do.  Sometimes I feel like I am just floating through the day until it is time to teach.  I float through my days.  I don't have a goal for the rest of the month except for to run through drive thru less often.  That is the only goal I have right now for the rest of the month.  I am going grocery shopping with Calli tomorrow.

I hope you are having a good day.

Heather

Woo-Hoo!!

Happy New Year!!!

May this year be the best ever for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Coming of a New Year!

Well, in 3 more days it will be New Year's Eve.  Now that the Elliptical machine is ready for use, I will begin using it everyday.  Right now, I can't do it very long, but hey, I have to start somewhere!  I am hoping that eventually I will be at 30 minutes in the evening and 5 minutes in the morning like I used to be.  I can't wait until there is a TV downstairs so I can watch TV while I exercise.  I have tried reading but it is too bouncy and makes me dizzy.  I have tried music but the songs seem sooooooo long even if they aren't.  The best thing for me to be doing while exercising on a machine, is watching TV.  Usually, i pick a nice and loooong show that I can watch over days.  I think I will re-watch all the the Lord of the Ring movies to start with.  I do have a portable DVD player so for now I think I will use that.  It should work and I will be able to save exactly where I am at in the player and not have to change it out everyday.  I love Lord of the Ring movies!  They are so awesome!  (okay - except the orks, they are gross looking and make me queasy, I admit I usually fast forward when ever they are on the screen, but other than that, it is really good!)

I do hope you have a great New Year's Eve.  I am planning to go to my friend's house and play board games.  her daughter and I looooove Uno so we will most likely get some Uno in while I am there.  See you in the New Year!!!


Heather

It has arrived!

Merry Christmas!  I am going to do what I did at Thanksgiving.  I will have the veggies piled high and then a bit of the stuffing and that will be good.  I do hope you are having a good day and tomorrow will be even better!

Heather

12-14

Christmas is right around the corner.  I am in pretty good shape for it right now.  I am not solid on my plans yet, but I will be in a few days.  I did pretty well at Thanksgiving with my eating.  I really did.  I will do what I did at Thanksgiving.  I made sure I had some protein and the veggies first before I touched the potatoes and the dressing.  I love stuffing so much that I really have to be careful about it.  I don't really need to do a big grocery shopping right now because I picked up a few things today.  I had to get bread and milk as well as the all important toilet paper!  I do have a running list of things I would like for the next shopping, but there isn't anything desperately needed at this point.

I haven't lost any weight that I know of, but I also have not gained.  I am doing better with eating a balanced meal now.  We are almost at the point in the family room where I can get to my exercise machine so as soon as I can, I will be back on it.  I will start with it soon.  right now, it is just not where I can get to it.  I am not looking to the New Year right now.  As it gets closer, I am sure I will.  It is just too far away to think about it right now.  I will worry about it later.

I can't wait until I finish clearing up my kitchen and putting things away and moving the music back downstairs where it belongs.  Then I plan to cook a roast on Sunday so that I will have the left overs for a few days after.  I freeze some of it right away.

heather

this month shall be much better

I will be eating here at home much more this month.  Why?  How do I KNOW I will?  I have tried in the past and didn't get too far.  Well, I will have NO choice but to eat here at home.  I have to pay a big payment for the property taxes and going to get lunch everyday is just not going to be in the budget.  It just won't be.  December is a tight month because of the holidays (more absences than usual) so I will be very careful with the money so that means I will eat healthier because I will NOT be able to fast food eat.  I think after a month of eating more at home, I should be more in the habit so that will be the goal.  I am excited about the property taxes bill going down.  I just have to be strong to finish the rest.

Anyways, tomorrow is the Christmas Concert.  Tillie, Michelle, and my uncle John will be coming to watch.  I have cleared the table and put on the Christmas tablecloth on it.  the funny thing?  I had already bought one just like it!  I will return it this week.  Silly me!!!

I am excited about having soup for lunch tomorrow.  I love soup!!!

Heather

Goal for Thanksgiving Dinners

Yes, dinners.  I am spending Thanksgiving Day with my friend, Jennie and her family at her mother's house and then on Saturday, I get Kathy!  I will be spending the day with Kathy and having another Thanksgiving Dinner at her parents' house.  Kathy and I will be going to see "Breaking Dawn" on Saturday too.  I am excited about that.

My goals are to eat balanced meals and not too much either.  I am bringing rolls to Jennie's house for my dish to pass.  I bought them today.  I bough 48 because there will be 24 people and they come in bunches of 24 so I got 2 bags.  We all can take the left overs home.  I know I can eat a balanced meal and not too much sweets too.  That is my goal!  Happy Thanksgiving!!

Heather

Monday 11-14

On the once a month Monday I have my girls, eating lunch is always an interesting treat.  I do not get out of bed in time to make myself something, like a bowl of cereal or a sandwich, no I have to wait until the last possible moment to wake up and rush to get going so I end up running through a drive through.  I must stop this behavior, not only on this once a month day, but also on Sunday.  I nearly passed out at church again because I did not have a good breakfast and we are under bright lights during the practice and the service.  I ended up mouthing the words because I didn't have the energy to sing.  Yes, this is ALL MY fault!  I won't be doing this again on a Sunday.  For dinner I have a nice sub from Jimmy Johns.  I don't eat there very often so when i go to my girls house I usually stop and get one for later on in the day.  I get the turkey sandwich without the sprouts but with the lettuce and tomato and mayo on it.  Often I have them add cheese.  I am going to do better this coming weekend for the Sunday breakfast.  I know it means getting up 15 minutes earlier but it will be way worth it when I don't practically pass out in church.  I can be so silly sometimes!  Anyways, I am looking forward to having a nice healthy sub for dinner (no, I did NOT get chips or cookies!).  I hope you are having a good day too!

Heather

Menus for the week

That is my goal today, to plan my menus.  Sometimes I stick to them, other times I don't.  Today I planned on Chiptole for lunch but they were so busy when I went that I came back home and made something else instead.  I have never seen them that busy at that time of day.  It was about 2:30 and the line was practically outside the door.  Wow, that is just insane.  I will not plan on that restaurant on a weekend again.  From now on, that will be a weekday meal.  I have to pull a Cornish hen out of the freezer for sometime this week as that will be one of the dinners when it is thawed.  For some reason, when I put them in my fridge (roasts too) to thaw it takes almost a week instead of a couple of days.  I don't understand why.  It is just rather insane how that works.  It took 3 days for the little chicken drum sticks to though the other week too.  It really shouldn't take that long.

Anyways, off to plan some meals!


Heather

the beginning of November

I didn't plan on buying any groceries when I went to Walmart tonight outside of bread and milk.  I have been going through about 1/2 gallon of milk a week.  I am doing much better making sure I get enough calcium.  I also am working on eating wheat bread instead of white.  I was really glad that they had the wheat Italian bread.  I love Italian bread and to find it in wheat is definitely a wonderful thing.  They had a sale on soups so I picked up 6 cans.  This will last a bit for me as I do have soup already but hey, soup has a long expiration date so it is all good.  I also picked up the new Pirate movie and the new Winnie the Pooh movie.  I haven't seen either one of them yet so I am excited to see them.  I don't have my menus made for the month yet.  I will do it this weekend so when I go shopping in a week or two, I will know exactly what I need.

I hope you are having a good day too.